Chemo sucks … while it’s doing it’s job

Well, I’m a few days post-chemo. It’s been interesting- mostly because I was unprepared. I went into the infusion appointment thoroughly ready to get started. The time between telling my local oncologist in September that I wasn’t feeling “right,” until this past Thursday felt like an eternity. Over those months, a lot has gone on behind the scenes: MRIs, multiple biopsies, various blood tests, etc. All to gather information to make an appropriate treatment plan. Logically, that all made sense. Emotionally? I felt like a hamster running full speed on a wheel that was going nowhere. So, Thursday felt like a day for celebration! We were finally starting chemo! It was finally time to kick some cancer ass. 

You might recall my last post. I wrote about meeting the local oncologist’s nurse practitioner. I got to see her again on Thursday. This time, she reviewed my blood work for the day and approved me to go into treatment. She also spent about 20 minutes completing the aforementioned “chemo education.” Before I get into that, I will mention that I apologized to her for my less-than-friendly demeanor at our first meeting. She graciously waved me off with a “Please don’t. You are facing a tough situation. There’s nothing to apologize for.” 

So on to the educational component of Thursday’s visit… Unlike my doc from Stanford (who told me these chemo drugs wouldn’t be “too bad”), the NP looked me on the eye and told me that these were both very strong meds and there would definitely be unpleasant side effects. As with most chemo treatments, my red and white blood cell counts are going to take a hit. I will most likely lose my hair. Both of the drugs cause pretty strong fatigue, and she said the fact that it’s a main side effect of both means that with time it’ll probably be fairly rough. I was advised to “listen to” my body and rest when it says to rest. As great as modern medicine is, there’s unfortunately very little they can do for fatigue. Oh and nausea: a first rate side effect of both chemo drugs. Luckily, we can combat nausea with medication. 

So, after this cheerful lesson, she sent me up to the infusion center. Now, I realized before then that no matter what my Stanford specialist had said, this was chemo and its negative side effects would eventually make themselves known. Our dear NP cleared that up for me: those effects would actually make their first appearance during the very first treatment. 

A nurse met me when I arrived in the infusion center. Such a soft-spoken, cheerful lady. I was immediately comfortable with her. She got me settled and set up a saline drip and then several anti-nausea meds. Those were to get me through the infusion and then I switched to tablets that they sent home with me. She told me when she was starting the first chemo that it was strong stuff and I should feel it soon. What?!? 

Remember now that I started that day with nothing but enthusiasm and joy to be moving forward, and my expectations of the effects of treatment were a bit unrealistic. She was right. About halfway through the first bag of fluid, I felt EXHAUSTED. I was reading a book and couldn’t keep my eyes open. I vaguely remember her telling me when she started the second drug, and nothing after that until the machine beeped alerting us that the infusion was finished. 

The fatigue hung on after that. I went straight to bed when I got home. The next day, I had to return to Fresno for a shot that’s supposed to help my white blood cells to recover. Jamie and I went to the grocery store after I had the shot and then I came home and took another nap. All that day, and into Saturday, I felt like I was recovering from the flu. I had muscle aches and was very tired. I don’t relay all of this as a “woe is me” story. Rather, I’m just documenting it and laughing at my own naivety. I really did not expect to feel this way after the first treatment. After two or three? Sure, but not after the first. 

Today has been better. I helped Jim do a little work in the backyard this morning. The weather was beautiful and we always enjoy being outdoors. I ended up sitting in a lawn chair and watching as he finished the last few minutes without me, and a took a nice long nap afterward, but it was nice to be out there and doing something. 

We probably won’t post another update until after the next scan, which is after the next chemo treatment, several weeks from now.  Remember, Leiomyosarcoma is a cancer for which they are still trying to find the right recipe of chemo drugs.  So, the plan is to evaluate the effectiveness of the current concoction and decide on further treatments. 

I really appreciate the kind words and messages I’ve received.  I feel truly blessed to have you all in my life.